October's over, time to get personal

Today I found out that someone close to me had a benign breast biopsy.  It was a huge relief for us all and a really fitting way for me to close out this project.  This person is young and healthy, but spent the last few days in fear that she might have breast cancer.  I have to think there could be not be a worse month to think you might have breast cancer.

It took me back to the early days of this project when, in search of a spiral notebook, I came across some notes I had taken three years ago when I went through the very same thing.  Opening up the notebook took me through a wave of thoughts such as a) how do I still have so much stuff with the American Cancer Society logo on it b) thank the LORD it doesn't have a pink ribbon on it and c) it's a good thing I wrote everything down, because it is damn complicated to have breasts.

I went in to my annual at 31 years old TOTALLY prepared to get a referral to get my first mammogram.  While most women start mammograms at 40, those of us with a mother with breast cancer are lucky enough to get started 10 years prior to our mother's diagnosis.  Fortunately, I knew this and I had spent plenty of time mentally preparing for the doctor to tell me that it was time.

What I was not prepared for was for her to say "have you felt this?" during my clinical breast exam (if any guys are reading this...I'm sorry if this is too much information...I promise not to talk about speculums).  Now, the irony of this whole blog is that NO, I don't do self breast exams.  You know what else?  I don't floss as often as I should, either.  So NO, Doctor, I have NOT "felt this" and I have NO idea what you are talking about!  (To be honest, she put my hand right on it and I STILL couldn't feel it, which tells me I'd be horrible at self breast exams).

Needless to say, I'm glad I was at least prepared for the mammogram referral.  Now I got the "diagnostic" mammogram instead of just the regular screening exam.  Tears were held until the car.  I mean, we are talking about less than 6 months after losing my mom to breast cancer. 

So, long story short, I got a mammogram and ultrasound which revealed a black spot that looked like a black hole, essentially.  Really not the best sign on a mammogram.  My favorite part was the lady (another patient) who noticed my demeanor and followed me out to the parking lot to tell me that she was praying for me and that she understood.  Thanks, lady, your sentiments would only be better if you had some sort of pink ribbon balloon or pink edible arrangement for me.

The black hole turns out not to be good so I got to go back for a needle biopsy.  In turn, I got a call from my original doctor with the results (after 5 on a Friday, you KNOW this isn't good).  Well, ok, it wasn't good, but it wasn't bad, either.  Here's where the spiral notebook came in handy...what I have is known as Pseudoangiomatous stromal hyperplasia (PASH).  Aw, PASH sounds so cute!

It is benign, but is something that could end up becoming malignant.  She referred me to Dr. Shala Masood, one of the country's premier breast cancer experts (lucky for me, she's local...well, if you call Shands-Jacksonville local!).  I met with her a few times and we decided two things.  1) to do the BRCA genetic testing and 2) to have the mass removed.

So, at this point I have a rockin' scar, a stack of confusing medical bills filed away somewhere and somehow, I still don't do self-exams, even though Velveeta Shells & Cheese suggest I do.  I guess I have a bad attitude and a sense of inevitiability about it all.  Every now and then, especially in October, I have to give myself a reality check...I'm still a lot more likely to die of heart disease than breast cancer.  (And for the record, lung cancer is a greater cause of death in women than breast cancer, but you would NOT know that in October.)

I was glad that I was able to share my story and some bit of comfort with my friend.  I hope that in the end, I've helped open at least a few eyes to a different perspective on the pink ribbon. 

As all the pink crap heads to the discount aisles and the overstock stores, I feel pretty confident that I'll return to this blog every year and I hope that a lot of you will be ready to send me all the crazy pink stuff you see next year!  In the meantime, here are a few of the items I wasn't able to get to this month.  Enjoy and thanks for reading.